all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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