Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
