the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
