What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
