Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize