I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
