One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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