Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
