he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
