We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
