I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
