im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
