Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
