And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
