my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
