i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
