Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
