6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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