I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
