I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
