you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
