I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
