i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
