come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
