i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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