If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
