I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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