Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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