i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize