the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When are your genitals available?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
