She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
