My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
