I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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