ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
