I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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