Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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