New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
