i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
