Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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