I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All the doctor said was why
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
