I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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