while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
