$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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