with your own penis?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
