Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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