He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
