I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
