Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
