i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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