Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
