Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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