Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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