Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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