If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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