i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
