matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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