haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
