you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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