Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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