they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
