you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
