You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
