We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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