Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
